I start out the day fine..I get up and go to work..I am on auto-pilot, but that is ok..It has been very theraputic for me going to work..First, I have to..I can't call in sick to my job..Second, it has allowed me to get my job done, but still grieve at the same time..I can pull over to the side of the street and cry if I need to and not worry about anything..If I worked in retail or something where I was around a lot of people I would not have been able to do it.
Today I took the kids to school and as I was walking home I reallized that I had turned down a completely different street and started wondering where I was at..I was again on auto-pilot and did not even realize I had turned down a different street until I was half way down..No harm done..I still made it home, but it was all I could do to keep from crying as I was walking down the street.
My heart is just so heavy right now..Plain and simple I miss my Grandma..It is hard being around people right now because I get so weepy..
I had anxiety attacks right after it happened, and once in a while I feel as though one is coming on..I had a blessing from someone at Church to get me through this and for comfort..It does help, but there are days when the grief is too much to handle..
These are the days where I need to be careful..Part of me wants to eat to deal with the pain, and part of me can't eat..I hate days like this, but I am doing what I can to get through them as normal as possible..
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