agony

It was getting harder and harder for Grandma..She was getting more and more tired and wanted to stay in bed more often..The day I took her to the hospital I was growing more and more concerned..She wanted to stay in bed all day and she didn't want to eat..I was going to call the Doctor as soon as I got Juan from school..As it happens she called me, and it happened to be the one day I left my cell phone at home..

I called the Doctor back, and she told me that I needed to get Grandma to the emergency because she had too much fluid in her lungs..I had taken her for a chest xray two days prior..I wnt into her room and told her I was taking her to the hospital..She told me,"No." I told her that her Doctor said she needed to go..She didn't argue with me after that..I had a feeling they were going to keep her and they did..I was to take her to emergency and they were waiting for her already.

I pulled up in front of the emergency and put her in her wheelchair and got her registered inside..I then went and parked the car and by the time I got back they had already taken her into a room..They told me which room and when I went there she wasn't there..I had to ask someone where she was..After some checking they found out that she was put into a different room altogether..I was panicked at first wondering where she was..

I stayed with her as I have always done in the past..This was not our first trip to the emergency room..I watched the doctors do an ultrasound of her lungs and also her heart..There were so many people there checking on her..When I finally found out what roon she was going to be in as they were going to admit her I headed for home..

The following days were agony..They started soing aggressive dialysis to get the fluid out of her lungs..She ended up losing 15 pounds because of this..She was 97 pounds when I took her into the hospital..Now she was down to 82 pounds..It was very hard seeing her like that..My Grandma used to be so healthy..

They ended up doing a lung tap to try and get the fluid out and punctured her lung which collapsed..They put a tube into her chest to get air into her lungs and she was in the intensive care unit..I was there every day and she always had a smile on her face when I walked in..She was tired though..A lot of times she would fall asleep while I was there..

She was finally taken out of intensive care and put into another room where they still continued doing dialysis..The Doctor kept talking to me and hinting that her quality of life was not the best being on the dialysis..I started crying because I knew what she was getting at..I was losing my Grandma and I just couldn't handle it..

My husband and I went up there one Saturday and I noticed there was aplan on her board for discharge that day..I immediately called the nurse and asked what was going on..They told me they were transferring Grandma to the Kaiser rehab unit in San Leandro..There they would work with her and try to get her stamina up so she could have more energy and walk again..After having lost so much weight she had a very hard time walking and she had no energy..She also had no appetite..

I tried everything to get her to eat..Nothing worked..I took her to dialysis and it was very hard getting her in and out of the car..She just had no strength left..Her last eek of dialysis at her center they transported her from the rehab center to her dialysis unit..I went there every day and visited her..It was so hard seeing her there because she looked so uncomfortable..It was hard for her to sit for long periods of time..

On Friday the 4th I was supposed to go to the rehab center and have a meeting with her Doctor..The Doctor called me as I was on my way in..Grandma had actually asked me for a Kasper's hot dog..Darn it...If she wanted a hot dog she was going to get a hot dog..The dietician told me it was too salty..I told her that at this point since my Grandma wasn't eating that much at all if she asked for anything I was going to get it for her..

Needless to say she didn't get her hot dog since the Doctor had called me..After consulting with the Doctor she recommended Grandma either be sent back to the hospital ot stop dialysis and stay at the rehab center..I told her that was Grandma's decision..Grandma was fully aware of everything up until the day she passed away..I am thankful for that..

I told Grandma what the Doctor had said and she chose to go back to the hospital..I told the nurses and they made the arrangements..I got  there later as  had to get my children from school..

Grandma told them in the emergency room that she didn't want any heroics..They ended up giving her a blood transfusion because she was anemic..They admitted her again..

On Saturday we were just getting ready to go to the hospital when the Doctor told me that Grandma was asking for Kentucky Fried Chicken..She loved her chicken..She did get her chicken..She ate a whole piece and also the corn on the cob and also some bacon..She also loved her bacon..I was so happy to see her eat..She had  not had that much to eat in a long time.

The Doctors came in and asked her if she wanted to continue dialysis..She told them probaby not..

I went to Church Sunday as I always do and the Doctor called me twice while I was there but since my phone was on vibrate I didn't know until Church was over that he had called..I immediately called and told them I was on my way up there..We had planned to go there after Church.. I spoke with the Doctor and was told that Grandma wanted to stop dialysis..I think deep down I already knew, but just hearing it I broke down..I knew what that meant..I was losing my Grandma..

She was in agony..The pain was just terrible..I didn't like seeing her in such pain, and I felt she was hanging on for me..Now I am the one in agony..I am crying all of the time..

I know I will see her again and she will not be in pain when I do see her..I am greatful for all of the Doctors who took such great care of her..They were all very compassionate..

I miss my Grandma..I love her so much...