I finally decided to go through a box that was sitting in my hallway since before Grandma passed away. There were some clothes that she wanted to get rid of since they didn't fit anymore.
I told myself that I could do it. There were only five items of clothes in the box. I just broke down. It has been almost five months and I still can't go into her room let alone fold five pieces of clothing.
Everyone keeps telling me that time will heal. In know it will, but when???? The day to day things are getting a bit easier although her wheelchair is still sitting in the same spot and her walker is still in the hallway.
I think a part of me feels that if I get rid of the things that she would have not been here. I know that is absurd, but I just can't bear to part with things.....and they are just things. I don't have her anymore yet I can't bring myself to empty out her closet or her drawers.
Juan and I were going to move into her room, but I just can't do it. I told Juan the other day that I don't want to go in there to sleep. That is where she passed away and I just don't want to go through that with the memories. So, we are thinking about moving our room upstairs. It might be better for me, and when I was up there the other day it was completely quiet. I need that. I hardly every get that, and my little ones just don't understand why I need quiet sometimes. Not that I don't love the sound of their voices, but once in a while a bit of quiet is necessary.
Still missing Grandma every day..I love you Grandma...
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